Engagement...

William and Kate are engaged, that is my tie to the British news. To be very blunt my whole morning was thrown off due to this announcement. It made me think of the very meaning of the words, does it really apply to just marriage? We, as humans, are engaged to so many things; our family, school work, jobs, dreams, others dreams. Hell, that is exhausting to just type out let alone think about. A couple of days ago I had some England withdraws, saw people's twins, had random day dreams during class. I did not really realize how long it would take me to re-acclimate my self to the American life.
I started looking at grad schools, kinda. I so wanted to go back to England, now I am not quite sure. What I am sure about is trying something new, California, New York City maybe?
Lastly, I worry that my Sarah Siddons family will forget about me. I miss my #1 so much! There is virtually no communication with him, it is like losing a best friend. I always think about them, I only hope they do the same.

Through the looking glass

Right now I feel like as if I am in a parallel world. This time last year, I was on a plane, sitting next to an old man. holding my blanket and praying that I wouldn't get homesick. Worcester is still with me every day. I have come to understand that I do not have to feel bad for always talking about it, England is now a part of who I am. But I do also understand that if I don't think about it for a day, that is OK too. There has to be a balance. I think I am handling the anniversary well to because I am going to Australia in December to visit Prerna! So naturally that makes me happy! I do not talk to certain people as much as I wish I could, but it is not because I do not try. The only memory right now getting me sad is that I won't be waking up on a hard bed, in a flat, in England. But I will be waking up to a soft queen bed in New Jersey, and right now, I guess that isn't so bad. I have a lot to look forward to, starting my life after graduation in December. Hopefully a lot more traveling. I will always hold close to my heart the people and memories of Fall 20009, I don't think a pack of wild dogs could drag those out of me. So for right now I think I am going to make myself a cup of "Jennifer" Rose Tea, and look through some great pictures!

I'm homesick...

Cause I no longer know, where home is.
I know I know very emo. But sometimes I can not help myself. A smell, or picture, or sound reminds me not only of England, but also my other European friends and their home lands. But can I be honest for a second? I am getting highly...annoyed (I am not sure if this is the proper word) at people and their situations that sound an awful lot like mine, or what have I said at one point. Prerna and Edwin have talked ot me about it, "You are just a Jealous, that maybe someone else has a stronger love" says Edwin or " I don;t necessarily think they are copying you." I may have changed Prerna's words around a little ;)But for Fuck's sake, people are really getting under my skin...to the point where I just don't want to address it anymore.
I was talking with a friend yesterday and he asked me when I would go back to London. And do you know my answer...my actual answer...words that left this mouth was "Oh probably not for a couple of years." I was dumbfounded. It was such a real answer. I mean really, when will I be back? I have family there who I of course would love to visit..friends scattered around...but really when would I go back? Thinking about that was literally like a punch to the gut..swift and painful. But only about five minuets later my friend said he thinks of me as a European. And Edwin agreed, by adding "Sometimes I really do think I am dating a Brit." hahha if only right?
The last situation I would like to address is, well dumb. When one of my friends comes on line I get so excited, heart racing, smile spread across face, that kinda thing. But it is a rare occasion. since we both have vastly different time schedules. Every so often a message will come through and it is nice to know that I am being thought of. But it does break my heart, a tiny bit, minuscule really. I need to get a grip.

I'm half in love with Elizabeth

So my boyfriend Edwin actually made me listen to this song by the Mystery Jets. He was laughing because he says this song explains me perfectly. It is about a guy who is in love with his girlfriend but also loves Queen Elizabeth. I mean I do not love the Queen, but I do love England. And I think that is what he was hinting at...maybe I love it too much? But in essence he is right, my heart is still there...but I am starting to need it here, in New Jersey. Bollix!
Other then missing The Woo I am doing well. I got a red high light in my hair for Cancer Awareness. I really did it for my Uncle who died of Brain Cancer, horrible. So it is the least I can do. BUT I secretly love how it looks. A little rebellious maybe...am I too old to rebel? lol
I am trying to look into an internship for publishing/writing/ PR...so anyone who has connections, do you want to help me out? I am just so tired of working in such a mundane world dealing with people and situations I could really not give a damn about.
Also another exciting thing to look forward too...THE WORLD CUP! One being I love Soccer/Futbol. and Secondly all my loves countries will be playing, Norway, Australia, Sweden, Netherlands, England...EVERYONE! It makes me feel like we are watching the game together! Chin up and I will write again soon!

This is my new England

All I am trying to do is document this. Nothing fancy, but I am at a moment where I understand at this time I am not in England. I am home, or at least what I once considered home, in New Jersey.
So I was at my new job, sitting on the curb. My favorite occurrence nature started happening, a sun shower! I looked up toward the sky and to my right and there was a rainbow, and all I thought of was my England, my Worcester, my London, my family.
Though since I have returned to the land of the over-tanned dolls things have been looking up. I am working a lot, which anyone who knows me KNOWS I am not a working girl. I live in the world of Jen logic, and that clearly is not of this earth logic.If it were up to me I would just sit in a chair looking pretty and somehow getting paid for that. While I am on the subject of dream jobs let me tell you what really honestly bothers the living hell out of me! People pissing on my dreams. I was at my sister college graduation last weekend, and one of her friends mom's decided this was a good point to tell my sister and I that we need a plan B, because our first idea of a job (being in film and being a writer) was total shit! Well here is a thought, why don;t you just mind your own business and just because YOU did not achieve your dream doesn't mean I won't! I am one determined woman and I'll be damned if I will be stopped. For all this woman knows someone could be reading THIS blog and think "Hey I like this girl" and BAM I'm famous! So if any of you feel like that give me a AMEN!
One final note for now, I was afraid to keep writing in this blog because I was terrified of losing the memories of Europe, that these old words would be written over by my new words.But I know in my heart my love for what I experienced will never leave me, and ya'll know I will be back!!

Gah...

So I have been back in the US for about 5 months now...and it's...different. I still talk about England and my European experiences like it was yesterday. I guess to me, it was only yesterday. I really miss my new friends, but we have been keeping in touch.
I went back to Worcester for my spring break and it was...disappointing to say the least. Even though it was awesome to see the people I used to live with and I couldn't thank Kelly enough for letting me stay, it was so sad in Sarah Siddons. The new people who resided in our flats were pretty much horrible...I mean there were these Americans and Canadians that really just blew...and everyone stayed in their own rooms and didn't talk...very unwelcoming. It really just broke my heart that I had to leave and these people got to stay...GAH!
Being back in London was so amazing, it feels like home to me. I watch Ugly Betty and movies and they are all being placed in Europe, and legit start crying...cause I miss it so much..it's a hot mess. My only mission now is to live in England for a little bit. I mean why not I don't have anything here chaining me down.

Good Bye Worcester!

Who would have thought the hardest part of all this would be having to say goodbye? I just sat here starring at my computer for about ten minutes crying, how am I supposed to write down everything I am feeling? I don't want to leave all my new friends.., hell I consider most of them my family now, Ok I can't write about going home right now.
So Friday we went to the dive one last time. And holy moly was it a good night. Kelly and I played some pool and we all hung out wit the boys. After a couple of shots the Aussie girls and I got up to sing karaoke to Sweet Child of Mine...oh lordy I think for a hot second I thought I was Axel Rose! Any way Carl and Will brought some of their basketball buddies, which was enjoyable for the most part. They heard I was from the States and started asking me about basketball, and of course I knew my shit, my Dad raised a sports girl! (Thanks Dad!!!) This one guy and I had a conversation about Davidson and they all realized my love for UNC!!! I think they were legit shocked that a blonde American girl knew her shit...I wasn;t. After that I believe I took some Tequila shots...yuck and went up again with the Aussie girl to the stage and sang the Australian National anthem...they adopted me lol! After another hour of enjoying the Dive I walked home with Carl and Will back to the flat. Carl decided to call our friend Nathan to drive us for food, it was like 3am but seemed like a brilliant idea! So Nathan I come to find has only had his license for six months...he is a baby lol. And me being in the drunken state thought it was a choice idea to drive with him, it was like a NASCAR driver. Carl thought it was HILARIOUS! Then on top of that I evidently could not make a decsion on what to eat at mackers...so evidently they decided I was getting nuggets lol cause they ended up in my lap!! The rest of the night was a blur, but I did get sprayed with a fire extinguisher by one of the b-ball guys...I slapped him and there was also a food fight...boys will be boys !
Saturday was a packing day, I have a lot of shit...ugggg! Kelly and I went to town one last time and just walked around and got Greggs...I love that damn sandwich!
Sunday was Will, Nathan, and Jake's Basketball game! I love sport days, my whole family gets into them and cheers! Prerna and I were animals! Will and I have had discussions on the game of basketball so at halftime he came over to me and asked if I had any opinions. OF COURSE I DID! I told him that on defense the boys hands need to be up, and that number 21 needs to stop throwing a tantrum when eh misses a basket cause then he lallygags and leaves the boys on defense a man down. Evidently he told the boys this and they did much better, and he actually thanked me! It was funny tho I guess boys here are not use to girls cheering and a girl knowing her stuff...if you know me you know I have NO problem running my mouth!
Tonight we are ordering Pizza as our last family meal...AHHHH. Tomorrow Kelly, Myself, the three other Americans, and Michael leave...it will be a hard day. But I know in my heart I will see these people again! I owe a lot to Worcester, a new begging, rejuvenation!I was never expecting to really be sad to go back to Jersey. On the first day I arrived I told everyone "I'll make you like me!" but in return I think they made me love them! I will forever in my heart hold this place close to me. The people,experiences, and lifestyle have made this a worthwhile adventure!
So I guess all that is left for me to do is come home to Jersey guys!