I'm homesick...

Cause I no longer know, where home is.
I know I know very emo. But sometimes I can not help myself. A smell, or picture, or sound reminds me not only of England, but also my other European friends and their home lands. But can I be honest for a second? I am getting highly...annoyed (I am not sure if this is the proper word) at people and their situations that sound an awful lot like mine, or what have I said at one point. Prerna and Edwin have talked ot me about it, "You are just a Jealous, that maybe someone else has a stronger love" says Edwin or " I don;t necessarily think they are copying you." I may have changed Prerna's words around a little ;)But for Fuck's sake, people are really getting under my skin...to the point where I just don't want to address it anymore.
I was talking with a friend yesterday and he asked me when I would go back to London. And do you know my answer...my actual answer...words that left this mouth was "Oh probably not for a couple of years." I was dumbfounded. It was such a real answer. I mean really, when will I be back? I have family there who I of course would love to visit..friends scattered around...but really when would I go back? Thinking about that was literally like a punch to the gut..swift and painful. But only about five minuets later my friend said he thinks of me as a European. And Edwin agreed, by adding "Sometimes I really do think I am dating a Brit." hahha if only right?
The last situation I would like to address is, well dumb. When one of my friends comes on line I get so excited, heart racing, smile spread across face, that kinda thing. But it is a rare occasion. since we both have vastly different time schedules. Every so often a message will come through and it is nice to know that I am being thought of. But it does break my heart, a tiny bit, minuscule really. I need to get a grip.