I'm homesick...

Cause I no longer know, where home is.
I know I know very emo. But sometimes I can not help myself. A smell, or picture, or sound reminds me not only of England, but also my other European friends and their home lands. But can I be honest for a second? I am getting highly...annoyed (I am not sure if this is the proper word) at people and their situations that sound an awful lot like mine, or what have I said at one point. Prerna and Edwin have talked ot me about it, "You are just a Jealous, that maybe someone else has a stronger love" says Edwin or " I don;t necessarily think they are copying you." I may have changed Prerna's words around a little ;)But for Fuck's sake, people are really getting under my skin...to the point where I just don't want to address it anymore.
I was talking with a friend yesterday and he asked me when I would go back to London. And do you know my answer...my actual answer...words that left this mouth was "Oh probably not for a couple of years." I was dumbfounded. It was such a real answer. I mean really, when will I be back? I have family there who I of course would love to visit..friends scattered around...but really when would I go back? Thinking about that was literally like a punch to the gut..swift and painful. But only about five minuets later my friend said he thinks of me as a European. And Edwin agreed, by adding "Sometimes I really do think I am dating a Brit." hahha if only right?
The last situation I would like to address is, well dumb. When one of my friends comes on line I get so excited, heart racing, smile spread across face, that kinda thing. But it is a rare occasion. since we both have vastly different time schedules. Every so often a message will come through and it is nice to know that I am being thought of. But it does break my heart, a tiny bit, minuscule really. I need to get a grip.

I'm half in love with Elizabeth

So my boyfriend Edwin actually made me listen to this song by the Mystery Jets. He was laughing because he says this song explains me perfectly. It is about a guy who is in love with his girlfriend but also loves Queen Elizabeth. I mean I do not love the Queen, but I do love England. And I think that is what he was hinting at...maybe I love it too much? But in essence he is right, my heart is still there...but I am starting to need it here, in New Jersey. Bollix!
Other then missing The Woo I am doing well. I got a red high light in my hair for Cancer Awareness. I really did it for my Uncle who died of Brain Cancer, horrible. So it is the least I can do. BUT I secretly love how it looks. A little rebellious maybe...am I too old to rebel? lol
I am trying to look into an internship for publishing/writing/ PR...so anyone who has connections, do you want to help me out? I am just so tired of working in such a mundane world dealing with people and situations I could really not give a damn about.
Also another exciting thing to look forward too...THE WORLD CUP! One being I love Soccer/Futbol. and Secondly all my loves countries will be playing, Norway, Australia, Sweden, Netherlands, England...EVERYONE! It makes me feel like we are watching the game together! Chin up and I will write again soon!

This is my new England

All I am trying to do is document this. Nothing fancy, but I am at a moment where I understand at this time I am not in England. I am home, or at least what I once considered home, in New Jersey.
So I was at my new job, sitting on the curb. My favorite occurrence nature started happening, a sun shower! I looked up toward the sky and to my right and there was a rainbow, and all I thought of was my England, my Worcester, my London, my family.
Though since I have returned to the land of the over-tanned dolls things have been looking up. I am working a lot, which anyone who knows me KNOWS I am not a working girl. I live in the world of Jen logic, and that clearly is not of this earth logic.If it were up to me I would just sit in a chair looking pretty and somehow getting paid for that. While I am on the subject of dream jobs let me tell you what really honestly bothers the living hell out of me! People pissing on my dreams. I was at my sister college graduation last weekend, and one of her friends mom's decided this was a good point to tell my sister and I that we need a plan B, because our first idea of a job (being in film and being a writer) was total shit! Well here is a thought, why don;t you just mind your own business and just because YOU did not achieve your dream doesn't mean I won't! I am one determined woman and I'll be damned if I will be stopped. For all this woman knows someone could be reading THIS blog and think "Hey I like this girl" and BAM I'm famous! So if any of you feel like that give me a AMEN!
One final note for now, I was afraid to keep writing in this blog because I was terrified of losing the memories of Europe, that these old words would be written over by my new words.But I know in my heart my love for what I experienced will never leave me, and ya'll know I will be back!!

Gah...

So I have been back in the US for about 5 months now...and it's...different. I still talk about England and my European experiences like it was yesterday. I guess to me, it was only yesterday. I really miss my new friends, but we have been keeping in touch.
I went back to Worcester for my spring break and it was...disappointing to say the least. Even though it was awesome to see the people I used to live with and I couldn't thank Kelly enough for letting me stay, it was so sad in Sarah Siddons. The new people who resided in our flats were pretty much horrible...I mean there were these Americans and Canadians that really just blew...and everyone stayed in their own rooms and didn't talk...very unwelcoming. It really just broke my heart that I had to leave and these people got to stay...GAH!
Being back in London was so amazing, it feels like home to me. I watch Ugly Betty and movies and they are all being placed in Europe, and legit start crying...cause I miss it so much..it's a hot mess. My only mission now is to live in England for a little bit. I mean why not I don't have anything here chaining me down.

Good Bye Worcester!

Who would have thought the hardest part of all this would be having to say goodbye? I just sat here starring at my computer for about ten minutes crying, how am I supposed to write down everything I am feeling? I don't want to leave all my new friends.., hell I consider most of them my family now, Ok I can't write about going home right now.
So Friday we went to the dive one last time. And holy moly was it a good night. Kelly and I played some pool and we all hung out wit the boys. After a couple of shots the Aussie girls and I got up to sing karaoke to Sweet Child of Mine...oh lordy I think for a hot second I thought I was Axel Rose! Any way Carl and Will brought some of their basketball buddies, which was enjoyable for the most part. They heard I was from the States and started asking me about basketball, and of course I knew my shit, my Dad raised a sports girl! (Thanks Dad!!!) This one guy and I had a conversation about Davidson and they all realized my love for UNC!!! I think they were legit shocked that a blonde American girl knew her shit...I wasn;t. After that I believe I took some Tequila shots...yuck and went up again with the Aussie girl to the stage and sang the Australian National anthem...they adopted me lol! After another hour of enjoying the Dive I walked home with Carl and Will back to the flat. Carl decided to call our friend Nathan to drive us for food, it was like 3am but seemed like a brilliant idea! So Nathan I come to find has only had his license for six months...he is a baby lol. And me being in the drunken state thought it was a choice idea to drive with him, it was like a NASCAR driver. Carl thought it was HILARIOUS! Then on top of that I evidently could not make a decsion on what to eat at mackers...so evidently they decided I was getting nuggets lol cause they ended up in my lap!! The rest of the night was a blur, but I did get sprayed with a fire extinguisher by one of the b-ball guys...I slapped him and there was also a food fight...boys will be boys !
Saturday was a packing day, I have a lot of shit...ugggg! Kelly and I went to town one last time and just walked around and got Greggs...I love that damn sandwich!
Sunday was Will, Nathan, and Jake's Basketball game! I love sport days, my whole family gets into them and cheers! Prerna and I were animals! Will and I have had discussions on the game of basketball so at halftime he came over to me and asked if I had any opinions. OF COURSE I DID! I told him that on defense the boys hands need to be up, and that number 21 needs to stop throwing a tantrum when eh misses a basket cause then he lallygags and leaves the boys on defense a man down. Evidently he told the boys this and they did much better, and he actually thanked me! It was funny tho I guess boys here are not use to girls cheering and a girl knowing her stuff...if you know me you know I have NO problem running my mouth!
Tonight we are ordering Pizza as our last family meal...AHHHH. Tomorrow Kelly, Myself, the three other Americans, and Michael leave...it will be a hard day. But I know in my heart I will see these people again! I owe a lot to Worcester, a new begging, rejuvenation!I was never expecting to really be sad to go back to Jersey. On the first day I arrived I told everyone "I'll make you like me!" but in return I think they made me love them! I will forever in my heart hold this place close to me. The people,experiences, and lifestyle have made this a worthwhile adventure!
So I guess all that is left for me to do is come home to Jersey guys!

These are the times to remember...

So, Worcester, England! Damn you for being an awesome place and capturing my heart. When I first started with the idea of going abroad, I was really just doing it to get the heck out of Jersey and because Dana was going to France. I couldn't bare to think of her making all those amazing memories...I wanted some of my own! Going through all the paper work at Willy P was hell, and I did it basically with no help form the school. Once I found out I was going, I was terrified, what had I really signed up for? I am going to go out on a limb and assume most people thought I would get homesick and whats not, I was worried myself. But a month before I left I had a dream ( I strongly believe in what my dreams tell me) I dreamt that I didn't get accepted to the program, I was re leaved, but then disappointed in myself. I was upset that I just let myself be babied and take the easy way and stay at home in my comfort zone, I awoke the next day knowing I had to go!
And looked what happened, I actually liked it! I came here and learned about myself. I met amazing people and some not so amazing people. I got to travel and see beautiful places, But most importantly I think I grew up. When I was home I didn't really have a drive. Here I learned that I want to do so much more. School is only a small part of my life (thanks julie!) And yes, even though I didn't take the conventional route I am just fine, and my way is the right way for me! (Thanks mom,dad, and daney!) Here, in amazing England I learned that I am a confident person, I got better fashion (thanks jesus!) I also have come to understand other people and how to interact with them. I learned how to cook, healthy! I make my own soup using only veggies, and I love my fruit smoothies at night! The friends I have met here are one in a million. Prerna and Kelly are my besties. We have been through a lot! Boys, Girls, School, Drunken night, family drama, they are good girls. By meeting them it only solidifies that I am a good person who can meet good people. I got an insight to other cultures and learned how good it is to have a best guy friend for advice, MICHAEL!!! I can actually go places on my own and not take the quickest way with the least amount of people, and I go out! (Dana is soooo proud!) But I think the most important thing I have learned is that I am capable of anything. I was afraid I would fail and be miserable..but I didn't, on the contrary I am trying find a way to miss my plane!
So this is out last week, seven more days...AHHHH I AM IN DENIAL!! This weekend Kelly and I went to London one last time...we saw Legally Blonde the musical! I never got to see it in the city so this was pretty cool. Before the show we went to Camden, which is mecca for cheap things and barganing. I got soo much stuff! Then we went to Kelly's family friends house, it was a lovely couple who live in fairlawn but the husband got transferred to london for 3 years, they have a flat in the rich part of London, kinda like the upper east side. My room had a view of the London Eye! They were so sweet, we lit the Channukah candles and they made up french toast in the morning! The day of the play we went to oxford street just to walk around, then I had a brilliant idea of getting balck shirts and decorating them for this up comming Wednesday! So we did, one for me, Kelly, and Prerna. You see hear on Wed it is social night at the Uni, where all the sports teams dress up with a certain theme, This week our basketball friends are doing swimmers and lifegaurds. So I decided we would make our own shirts with Sarah Siddons on the front which is the name of our building and on the back our nicknames and 09! Prerna's said Prenny Lane, mine was Jot Jalapeno, and kellys was wastyface! I love us girls.
So this was our last Wednesday out at Bushwackers! The girls and I wore our shits and just had a blast. We hung out with Nathan and Jake from the basketball team, though Jake tended to wonder away Nate stayed with us the whole night...like our own body guard. We just danced our hearts out to all the best music, there was a part when they played Christmas music..not very clubbish. At 3am we decided we would go home, and there were no taxis willing to bargain so we walked home...poor decision. It was freezing! Prerna and I had the brilliant idea of running home, which wasn't that bad. We got exercise and home to hot chocolate faster!
Today is Thursday and my day off. Prerna and I decided to go into town. On our walk in it started snowing!! How perfect is that? We went to Greggs for lunch which is an amazingly cheap sandwhich store, we both got our favorite, TUNA CRUNCH! And then just walked around the town. Tonight we are all going to the Dive to say goodbye to Espen, he leaves in the morning! Ahh this is soo hard to say good bye!
Ok this is the first part of the last blog...I will finish it on Sunday, my last day here!

Watch out Paris here comes Jennifer!!

So this weekend I got to go see Daney in Paris!!! So my flight is on Friday at 8pm. I have my FAVORITE class on friday, Justice and Revenge in Literature. It is really interesting but also I have a HOOOOTTTTT German teacher. Anyway I had to leave this class a little early, and I was talking ot my teacher, Andrius and he goes "Are you really leaving Jennifer? My star American pupil...?" and I said yea I had to but in my head I was like mdkfjhsjkghesuih I LOVE YOU lol...don't judge me! So I leave for the airport, and get there fine, early actually. Here in England they don't believe in giving you your gate number untill like a half hour before your flight so I had to wait in a lounge..when it was time ti board I went to the gate only to discover I couldn't find my phone! All I kept thinking was I will be in Paris with no communication to Dana who speaks the damn language then I started to worry about Dad. "How could you lose a phone Jennifer...your not getting a new one..." Then I started to tear up I ran all the way back to security who saw me in a frenzied state and six of them huddled around me, and they were really helpful. This amazing man was like let me have your bag and we will put it back through the scanner...so he comes back and is like I can not open your bag but check this side pocket...SURPRISE I'M A DUMBASS! There it was staring right at me...GYPSY PHONE! All the gaurds were really nice and all hugged me, I guess I looked like a basket case, then I had to run through the airport to the gate...everyone was staring, I fell into my seat cursed for five minuets and then went and ate a whole chocolate bar..it was well deserved. My flight was fine except for the damn air speed bump that scared the hell out of me and totally did the KFC pee thing ( you know what I'm talking about Dad!)
I finally land!! I had to wait in line for customs which made me nervous, last time I went to France they were not very nice at customs, but I got through in a flash, they loked at it and said have fun! Dana was waiting for me outside the gate and we ran to each other as if we were lost lovers..awkward for those around us but we did not care! That night I was staying at her place with the host family...SHE LIVES IN A MANSION!!! I walked in and peed myself! This place is bigger then our house at home...and it's on the Cheyennes Liaise and here kitchen looks at the eiffle tower!! And her room is sooo cute, high ceiling and pretty curtain a fire place...heaven pure french heaven! The next day Dana had a test so I slept in and showered. I was not fully awake when I went to shower but I should have remembered from Dana talking about it..the shower is not real, you have to hold the thing where the water comes out! So I turn the water on and the hose is laying in the tub and then it came to life! The damn thing started snaking every where and getting the bathroom soaking wet...it was rough. When dana finally returned we went to get my hot dog on a baguette! It was the same place and everything...I think Dana was amazed I remembered..fat ass does not forget food! Then we went shopping..it was a little market place, kinda like canal street but the French don't bargain. I got awesome brown boots that are the thing in Paris, I love them! After that we went to her Australian friends house, we had some drinks on the way there...like on the metro...hilarious! Dana also made me run through a metro card thing with out a ticket...oh yea I am a rebel! Around 3am we got back to the hotel and fell fast asleep in the amazing kind bed! In the morning we had a continental breakfast...it was GOD...hash browns, omlett bar, cheeses, fruit,pastrys, juice.bacon...really good stuff! We then went to Versailles, which is beautiful and big. The gate is in gold and the artwork inside is amazing, Napoleon def made himself taller in the portraits though...on the way home we were in the train station wating and the doors that you would normally need to open with your ticket were ALL OPEN..key word. A gaggle of Asians came in and tried stuffing there cards in and the machine wouldn't take it, then to top it off they would start to walk through and just when you think they were going to make it they'd run back as if there was a force that would shock them if they crossed the line. Finally some English guy just ran through and all the asians started jabbering a way and then one guy pushed another one through and they all paused and then cheered when he got through...like they were shocked he lived..that right there was PRICELESS entertainment!
Then I had to go home...sadness but only cause I was leaving Dana...Paris is all right but I am a London girl at heart! I got home with no problums and now am back at the dorm typing this up..and I just looked that I will be in the USA two weeks from today...I am really sad about this!